Our Problem with Problems
Let’s talk about how we tackle our problems. Big or small, we all face challenges, and our approach may unwittingly create barriers to moving forward.
Most of my clients are overwhelmed, burned out, or want to level up, but aren’t sure how. You know that there is a problem to be solved, and are feeling stuck.
You may have a lot of thoughts on how to address your issue, and they are likely to conflict. Candidly, most of us get in our own way of tackling our problems. I know I do. You may have a clear sense of what you want or need, but you may believe you don’t have the agency to make it happen. I have found that most of us have tools for even the most challenging of situations. However, the barriers to finding our way are real, and it may help to look at how we approach our life challenges.
The first step is to pause. Trying to solve problems before you let them percolate can backfire. Pause and reflect on the issue. What is your current situation, and what do you want your situation to be? Why does it matter? Get to know the problem before you jump to action and try to fix it. This is uncomfortable, but sitting in that discomfort is powerful.
As you pause and get to know your problem better, ask yourself a few questions to see what barriers you may have to addressing your challenge:
Are you discounting your problem? You may think that others have it worse, so perhaps you should be grateful for your situation (job, marriage, child) despite the real challenges or dreams you are wrestling with.
Have you jumped to–and quickly dismissed–a solution? The solution may be scary, it may be expensive, it may not be well understood. Or you may not have considered a broader set of approaches to your situation.
Do you feel you don’t have the time to take the first steps? This is incredibly common, and contributes to the issues I list above, and often means we let the pressure grow as we wait for the magical day that we have more time.
Are you judging yourself for the problem? Is shame or embarrassment preventing you from looking clearly at either the problem or the solution? Can you pause and let yourself sit with your issue without the fog of judgement, even if only briefly?
Now that you’ve taken a bit of time and hopefully found some space (and maybe perspective), here are some first steps that can help:
Take a minute to center yourself. Breathe, exercise, walk–whatever you need. Even just one minute can be powerful.
Explore your issue or desire a little more, and hold back the judgement for now. You can sit and think, journal, or talk to a trusted person who can listen without trying to solve your problem or play it down.
Notice the feelings this stirs up and just let them be with you for a bit. Even the uncomfortable ones. Make a little space, even if it's also just for a minute.
Notice how that problem sits now. You may see it differently, perhaps the important issue isn’t the one at the top of your mind. You may see other solutions. You may feel less distress.
I hope that slowing down and bringing a quieter, and perhaps a curious and open mind to our own problems shifts the whole process. You may start with a clearly defined issue, but it’s not the issue that’s really holding you back. Or you may have defined the issue narrowly, and later realize you want to go deeper to find what needs to shift. That shift can be huge or small, both are powerful.
The amazing news is that these are all approaches you can tackle little by little. I invite you to test these how it works best for you, whether that is little by little or all at once.