Wanting More
What does wanting more mean for you?
You may be overwhelmed and feel like you have no space. However, when you pause and ask yourself “what would more look like?” you may be surprised by the answer. While that voice of what you want is there for you, it may be a very small voice at times. It may be drowned out by the noise of your life, your very real problems, your feeling that you should really be grateful for what you already have.
In busy organizations, another barrier can emerge. It can feel like sacrilege to admit that you are underchallenged. You may know that you are bored and want more, but feel like you should be able to solve that problem yourself. In that case, you hear the voice of wanting more clearly, but you may be shutting it down before you really hear the message.
To live your life fully, you can practice both being grateful and wanting more. They complement each other, and help you find balance and continue your growth. Holding both, and feeling that natural tension will keep you on track to live in the moment with full gratitude, while also continuing on your own journey of personal and professional growth. When life is at its best, you live these natural tensions fully, feeling the pull of both sides, and finding this is another type of support for your choices.
As a leader for several decades, I led organizational wellness and development initiatives within and well beyond my own staff. I left work on time, and mostly left work out of my personal time. I did my best to model work-life balance. However, I was largely out of balance in some fundamental ways.
Being asked what more would look like opened a door that had been barricaded shut for many years. I was so good at being grateful for what I had, so very deeply grateful for the wonders of my work and life, that I neglected to ask what more would look like. I think this was also because I had some real challenges in my world that made more feel out of reach, more felt like something I would get to later. And my job was absolutely amazing. But deep down, I knew what more would really look like, and the minute I really held the question, I knew that moving toward full time coaching and facilitating growth was what I truly wanted.
I started backpacking, often solo, a few years ago. That would have seemed unimaginable to me earlier in life.
I see the tension in my clients all the time, especially now. My clients are sharp, insightful and full of passion. They have dedicated themselves to their careers and their families. They have done exciting things and challenged themselves. But they are often feeling stuck where they are. They know they are dynamic, independent and incisive, but they often feel like they are tethered to the world they created for themselves. Of course, those without work now can feel even more stuck where they are, and more tethered to what they think they should be doing in these times.
My invitation to you is to just peek behind that door. What would it look like to want more? Starting with the limits on your world doesn’t leave you the space to see what’s there. Put those limits aside for now, and let yourself dream. Hold what’s central to you from what’s behind that door.
Knowing what you want opens other doors of possibility. You can decide to work towards a longer-term goal, or listen for opportunities that move you toward what you want. When I decided to move toward coaching, part of my revelation was that although I thought of myself as fearless and intrepid, I’d had the same job, house and husband for three decades. I wanted to keep the house and husband, but move on a path toward a second career. I changed my retirement plan to make sure I had space for a full second career.
What happened was not what I had planned (two years before my planned shift, my work at the US Agency for International Development ended abruptly with the closure of the Agency). However, I was prepared for that moment. I had already started my business and knew what to do in the turmoil. Even more, I had an opportunity to go to Vermont for four months last year. While I did keep the house and husband, I also took a sabbatical from the life I’ve been living for 30 years. My insight a year earlier made me ready to jump immediately on that opportunity, even though I hadn’t been looking for it. I knew what I wanted, and could immediately recognize an unexpected growth step.
I invite you to consider some reflections. You can do this alone, in a journal or with a friend or partner. Think about how you process most effectively, and work on the questions that speak to you.
Start with gratitude. What are you grateful for today?
Move to what you want, or even crave. What would more look like for you?
Notice your reaction to what you want. If you are shutting yourself down with constraints, try again. Regardless of what feels possible, what does wanting more look like?
Step back a moment. How does it feel to imagine what you want?
Hold that feeling. How can you be in touch with what you want, and carry that with you?
Decide if that leads to action now. Do you want to commit to any steps to move you towards what more would look like? What are those first steps?
Taking the time to explore what you want is an act of self-kindness. It helps you shift from living in scarcity to living in abundance–and this helps you see paths that you might not have otherwise discovered.