When you know you need to make a change, it can be hard to know where to start. You may expect that you need to first map out where you want to go, with both a destination and clear steps forward.
That is a perfectly reasonable plan, but I also find that puts a lot of pressure on knowing where you want to go. There is another path. You can choose to make space for what’s next before you have a plan forward. This is how you have likely experienced a lot of change in your life already, but it can feel scary or even foolish to decide to move forward without a clear plan.
Before you dismiss this potentially uncomfortable idea, I invite you to reflect back on a time that your life changed for the better when that space opened for you. Some common examples include:
Break-ups! What relationships filled the void after a romantic relationship ended?
Failures, athletic injuries, end to arts careers, etc: You may have had to drop out of sports as a teen or emerging adult, dropped out of a professional school, or hit the end of a musical career. These are hard transitions because they involve a loss of identity and while creating a huge void. What filled that space, and how do you look back on this transition now?
Job loss: You may have lost a job (as so many did last year), or quit a job at some point–what happened for you after the initial shock and what did you discover?
Most of you will remember a big, definitional change that happened to you following a void in your life. Whether you initiated the change or it happened to you (assuming the trauma of the event was something you could work through), these changes likely opened up possibilities you may not have otherwise explored.
My suggestion is that you consider whether you are ready to do this to yourself, on purpose. That you plan is to act with less of a clear plan, and to let go of what you know isn’t serving you. You can, and should, be responsible. However, that doesn’t mean you need full control (or the illusion of full control).
Here’s why. A clearly mapped out journey is likely to build on your recent experience and trajectory, and it is also likely to be in the context of the values you have carried with you. However, over time, the values we learned in childhood and earlier in adulthood may need updating for where you are now. For example, financial security may have been incredibly important for you much of your life, driving many decisions. That may be less relevant (or more!) depending on your context now.
It may help you to soften your gaze and bring an element of receptivity and openness to potential change. As a leader, you are likely to lean deeply into planning and action, which can make you less strong in opening to opportunities outside your plan. Specifically,
You may limit your future options to those on a well beaten path, and not seriously consider deeper change
Your rational mind is likely to focus on, well, rational options. Making space can help you see a fuller field of options. It sets a better context for all of the options and helps you consider them in their full context of your needs, your possibilities and your future
When planning your concrete steps, you are likely to filter out those that are not common or valued in your current context, consciously or subconsciously dismissing others.
Any choice that shifts your identity may be hard to even consider when you are in planning mode. It’s often hard to plan to be someone new without letting go of the identity you’re living, even a little.
I invite you to consider opening space for what’s next even if you don’t know what will emerge. This is, of course, a terrifying thought for some of you. However you best process (walking in the woods, talking with others, journaling, prayer, etc). I invite you to reflect not just on what you want more of, but what you are ready to let go. This could be a small habit, or a big commitment, but opening space is a big invitation to change.
I also want to offer a metaphor for this process. When a caterpillar becomes a cocoon, it has no idea what is next. It doesn’t know that it will become a butterfly or moth, it just knows it is tired and it is time to step back (Source: Graham Segroves on Lisa Tilstra’s podcast Make Life Less Difficult). This metaphor perfectly captures the signal you may hear, but perhaps you don’t know how to heed it. What would it look like to listen to what isn’t working for you now, and to let that happen?
Some things go as planned, for better or for worse. But it’s also the seemingly random connection, experience or thought that takes us in an entirely new direction. You can open space for new experiences and bring intention to letting that space be there while trying small experiments to see what serves you now and what is a journey worth investing in.
Here are some potential barriers to watch for:
You may feel that this is counter to your own expectations–that you expect to know where you are going next.
You may have a (really) hard time letting go of control, not having a clear map can be very uncomfortable.
You may not know how to talk to others when you are open to what’s next but don’t know how to describe it.
You may be out of touch with your values, particularly if what’s important to you is shifting.
You may judge yourself for any or all of the above.
I hope this is helpful for you, whether your issues right now are big or small. This offering comes from working with leaders and emerging adults who come to me expecting that they need to figure out what’s next, and often think they need more discipline or a stronger plan to find clarity.
Planning is important, but on its own, it can be limiting. The most aligned changes come just as much from investing in what you know you need as in letting go of what you don’t. You are balancing that intention with presence to let the change happen just as much as you drive it.
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